update.

i know im probably wasting my time writing these blogs which no one evr reads and im still not understanding why maybe im doing something wrong or maybe these blogs are shit boring and probaly not using captial letters or puncuation but if you are reading this Thank you ❤ means a lot!

Life has been going pretty good at the moment im pushing myself too do more things independantly like paying for my food, looking around shops by myself , i would never say i suffer with anxiety or depression because i probably don’t i just stuggle sometimes to push myself to do simple things and i wouldnt want to know if i had it or not as it puts you down even more , it can become an excuse in your head for not doing things like for example you have to do a presentation in class thoughts”but i cant ive got anxiety ” the thoughts in your head shouldnt stop you from doing anything as they say the only person that can restrict you is YOURSELF .

dont get me wrong i have my down days everyone does , like today 19th april 2019 im sitting in my room 23:29 and i am worrying shit about my mum , faimly problems , worrying incase i have said something bad or wrong to my friends when when i thin about it i know i havent but my minds telling me i have. and thats the kickers your midn is such a powerful thing if you saw a yellow car but your minds telling you its red then your going to thin its red even though you have eyes  , it hard.

storytime:today my mum wanted me to go into the attick to get my summer clothes down and i really hate going up there and have never really done it noramlly my brother would do it but he werent there so i had to and imsitting on the egde in the attick having a panic attack becasue my mind was telling me i was not going to be able to get down it was the most horriblist thing ever because i could not seeing myself being able to get down and thne after a while i had calmed down . the point i am trying to make which probably isnt making any sense is that fuck what your mind is telling you and these situations and just go for it.

any questions or if you need to talk

email me

Thank you i hope this wasnt bad and that i havent made many spelling errors ❤

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT!

Bulimia isnt a long haired pretty girl bending over a toliet wuth a tragically beautiful face on.Its a puffed miserable face with voimt dripping from its chin and a fucking nose bleed. Anoerexia isn’t a slim figure shyly refusing a cupcake. It’s hair growing over you freezing malnourished body. Depression isn’t a model with running mascara staring into the sunset. It’s staring at the fucking ceiling at 4 in the morning with burning eyes because you can’t even find the motivation to close them. Self harm isn’t lovely boys kissing your arms telling you you’re still beautiful . It’s nasty fucking scars that will be there forever and sting when you go for a shower.Panic attacks aren’t burying your face into lovers chest and the telling you everything will be okay . It’s feeling out of control  and like oxygen has been taken away from you .

Mental Illnesses aren’t beautiful they dont make people suddenly care about you .They ‘re monsters that destoy lives. so stop taking them lightly and promoting them to impressionable teenagers on the damn.

sorry im busy.

A phrase i used quite a lot to get out of them dreadful situatuons everyone does it right , where you have to go to a relatives house who you have’nt seen since you were 5.Unfortunatly i dont just do it in them situations i do it in the simpliest of things like going into town with my friends , “i fancy chocolate right now”-me “go to the shop”-my mam , my thoughts NO WAY what if i fall over whilst walking there ? what if i dont have enough money ?i could get kidnaped ? just some of the thoughts that go through my mind when my mam suggests that. Its habit i need to get out of my comfort zone sometimes you have to be tough on youself otherwise you will spend you whole life restriciting yourslef from doing everything youve wanted too and youll get to the age of 80 and regret life. I have so many dreams thing si want to do when im older i want to go university in a different city to my own  meet new people, and go travelling i cant do that if im too afraid to go out of my own house. Somehting that has really helped my lately is insprational speeches you can find them on youtube or spotify and they really inpire it may be small things at first like paying for something in a shop or answering a question in class but trust me little steps are a good thing .

Dont get my wrong im not confident at all but have been making minor steps like i ordered my meal and paided for it all by myself which sounds like nothing but for me i think its the build up to things that re the worst like not knowing whats going to happen ,then i just think of all worst things that MIGHT happen and my breathing goes funny i got light headed , im aout to do it and its fine i may have forgotten to say the table number before i ordered but liek the waitor or waitress will acutally remeber that , they probably have that happen to them all the time and when i get back to my table and sign as a breath of relief .

sometimes the best thing to do in bad situations is think whats the worst that can happen for example i’m goign into the tolietss in a public place- my thoughts ” ahve i got everything , nothings stuck to my shoe is it? flys done up, what if there is massive que outside waiting , what if people think im not washing my hands right , water then soup then rub in have i rubbed it in properly rinse , omg theres someone using the hand dryer do i wait? or go get some tissue from the toliet ? no that would be disgusting. ill stand her and wait quite awkwardly , right hello dryer , how long do i dry my hands for until myhands are dry until it stops and i annoying people by drying my hands is there peoplewaiting to dry there hands , now trying the leave the toliets people are blocking the entrance just say exuse me it will be fine and im out thank god for that”

but it doesnt have to be like that.keeping calm is a very good staredgie to have even though sometimes it may be hard to do but so what if you fell over in public and eveyone saw like whos actually gooing to remeber that?

here some links to some good inspriational speeches of youtube , you may also find some on a spotify playlist:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft_DXwgUXB0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYadJQq0cHQ

if anyone has any questions please email me.

hoped this helped and could probably relate (sorry if there is spelling mistakes its 00:21 when writing this )

 

talking

hi.This is how i normally start conversations.when i meet somebody new,then from there my head goes blank on things to say, if its at a house you could compliment them on how there living room is nice or that you like the picture on the wall,but it never really goes down well.

my brain don’t work well in awkward and bad situations.the leading up to meeting someone even if its family relatives i haven’t seen in years is the worst part where my head just overloads and i think of all the possible situations that can happen.i thinks its the not knowing that gets me worried and the unknown when this occurs i get sick and stressed out a lot its not very nice.

Imagine starting a brand new school for the first time in year 9 everyone’s got the cliques and you are new , that would for me be the like a death trap as i could think of anything so revolting the feeling of walking into a classroom not knowing who anyone was and trying to make friends with people who have friends but what if their friends don’t like you and then people spread rumours because they knew people in your old school who were basically slagging you off and then no one in your new school liked you and your left lonely eating lunch by yourself or when the teacher asked everyone in “English class” to get into partners and your either left with the weird kids who picks his nose or by yourself and whilst the who class  chat amongst  there self your just sitting there. If i had to move school these would be some of the thought processes going through my mind .

its hard watch You Tubers and the title is “5 ways to help with anxiety”and you try them and none of them work it could be like :meditation , get more sleep, don’t worry(which is easier said then done),controlled breathing (this could mean when you get panic attacks which is kind of a good one I’ve  tried it and it takes a while but defiantly helps),think about whats happening today and not tomorrow (now this one is tricky because i get what they are saying but never really works for me ,i always have to think ahead which isn’t the best to do.

 

hope you found this first blog relatable  i will probably upload every other day.please go over to Instagram and follow me where i will post when i upload on here and also show quotes and inspirational ideas to help you through.Remember its only temporary.